To the Girl I’m Leaving Behind.

Exactly three months out from move-in day. Most days, packing up and leaving early sound like a dream come true. Between working at a retail store that is in the process of liquidating, juggling a social life, parents who are only frustrating to say the least, all while trying to maintain some sanity has been practically impossible. I’ve got twenty years of life and history in this little old town and the surrounding area. Lived in this very bedroom i sit in now all twenty years of my life. My family is here, my friends are here, everything is here.

Everything, though, doesn’t always carry positivity behind it. Some of the worst days of my life have been here. Losing family, break-ups, arguments with friends. The very best and worst days of my life have all been spent in this tiny radius of space. I have no plans to just become this whole other person while I’m away at college, but this is a chance to really figure out who I am, what I want in life. The person I am now could be worse, but i’m also not a huge fan of her at this very moment. over stressed, over worked. I’ve got a big mouth, an even bigger attitude. I’m always looking to pick fights and when I’m mad, i’m horribly mean. I lose motivation easily, I’ve gained a lot of weight that I have little motivation to burn off.

To the girl I’m leaving behind, you’ve been the me I’ve only ever been familiar with. twenty years in one space, unable to really start fresh. no matter how many times i’ve tried to change, there is no such thing as a fresh start in the same place. especially somewhere where you grow up around the same people. So, to the me i’ve been for the past twenty years of my life. You’ve gotten me places I may have never dreamed to go. I’ve also put myself in a rough spot once or twice before because of this attitude and my lack of filtering thoughts. It’s been a rough go, and while moving 1000+ miles away doesn’t mean life is automatically easier, especially being it’s for college, it does mean people don’t have a preconceived notion of who i am or what i’ve been through. this isn’t an attempt to be fake and present myself as a perfect human. this does, however, give me a chance to change how i treat people, how i see myself. more confident, less mouthy. more active physically and emotionally.

there’s so much i’m scared about in moving away. the debt, how i’ll even afford it in the first place. not having a single familiar face for the first few months while i surround myself with strangers. a new town that is small but nothing like home. however, there is so much more potential in every single bit of it.

now’s your chance, don’t screw it up.

xx bw

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